When There's No Reception

Everyone has had the experience of being in a dead zone, a place where a cell phone just doesn't work. Or, sometimes the wireless internet cuts out when you're in the middle of something important.

The other day I was playing bridge online with several family members from all over the world and my wireless internet disappeared. I was suddenly cut off from my family in the middle of the game. They didn't know what happened to me and I had no way to tell them.

I know how to reboot the internet so I went into the back room where the modem and router are located and I turned off the power, counted slowly to 30, and then flicked the power back on. I raced back to the computer hoping my family was still waiting for me to return. Nothing. The internet light was still off. I paced around the room in frustration. All of a sudden, it occurred to me. Maybe I had accidentally turned the wireless switch off. Maybe the problem wasn't in the internet. Maybe the problem was in my receptor. Sure enough. The switch was off; I turned it on and clicked back into the game.

When the Big Dude appears not to be listening, when I can't seem to contact the divine spark, I tend to rail at the Dude. I tend to pace around saying, "Can you hear me now?"

When there's no reply, I'm apt to hurl my spiritual cell phone at the wall. I'm even more apt to curse the Big Dude, hurling invectives at him for ignoring me, for leaving me alone with my needs. "I WANT to get back into the game, but you aren't helping me!" I say.

That happens a lot actually. Just as my cell phone is often turned off and my computer is accidentally not connected to the internet, my soul is also turned off. Often when I think the Big Dude is not in touch with me, if I check my receptors, I'll discover that I'm not receiving HIM.

Getting back in touch with the Big Dude is not always as easy as turning the switch on my computer. I have to sharpen my awareness, tune up my consciousness. This is a mysterious process, and different things work for different people. Personally, I need to sit in meditation. I need to breath slowly and regularly. Be aware of the weight on my shoulders, the anxiety in my gut. I need to slow down, to stop. It may not happen as I'm meditating, but by turning on my receptors, I make it possible for the Big Dude to contact me.

Why don't I want to do this? Why don't I meditate? Why do I seem to want to wallow alone in my sacred shit? I don't know the answer. It's probably the same reason I don't want to exercise. I don't seem to like good habits. Maybe it's part of the human condition. If we really, really wanted to "be" with the Big Dude as much as he wants to be with us, we'd probably have ascended into some angelic realm already.

The pull of the earth is strong, we cling to it. We want to satisfy our physical bodies. We want food, pleasure, satisfaction. We want to think our thoughts and feel our sorrows. We want our computers and Ipods, Blackberries and cell phones. We want our cars and beds. We don't, alas, always want the Big Dude.

It's only when the computer seems to crash and we lose contact with the internet that we care about the internet connection. Perhaps it is only when our lives crash that we care about God. Then, we frantically go in search of the switch that will pull his protection back into our world.

Hey Dude! Keep sending the signal day after day, even when my receptor remains implacably off. Roxie