Yes, and No, Hell No!

So, my mind is awhirl with a spiritual book I'm reading and the sound of Train singing on the Today Show. The line from "Save Me San Francisco" which titles this blog sums it up. Yes AND no, hell no! That's life, isn't it?

The book I'm reading is Spiritual Longing and although it IS making me think about the sorry state of my soul, it is also totally exhausting me. There's NO WAY I can live up to even one of the four principles he claims Jesus says are non-negotiable (I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't talk like that!).

I don't remember all four of these buggers, but I do remember the last two: mellowness of spirit (don't worry; be happy--my translation) and the requirement that you actively belong to a church, preferably a Roman Catholic one. I know I don't have a mellow spirit--it's a tangled web of doubt, fear, and occasional laughter (usually ironic!). But, to my amazement, I know it when I see it (and when I occasionally experience it). My son's mentor is a woman of seventy with the most delighted heart I've ever encountered. Although she has a fierce and relentless intelligence, she has a lightness of being that touches me every time. Interestingly, she posts a lot of haiku type statements on Facebook and I read them and "like" them regularly. Even mediated by technology, her mellowness of soul comes through. Thank you, Mariah!

I remember the last "principle" because I hate it!! It's so old-school Catholic--yeah, we're tolerant of all faiths and catholic really means universal so we're ok. NOT!!! I don't mean Catholic people are not ok. I mean the reqirement that we all must join a church is not ok. And then, according to this guy, what we must DO in that church is overwhelming! Truthfully, the only element I seek for myself is mellowness of soul (making me immediately suspect in the author's scheme of things).

That said, the guy made me think! The entire time I was walking the dog yesterday, I was reflecting on what I see as imbalance in my spirituality. I DO need/want to meditate/pray/read more (hence, my reading of this book for a couple of hours yesterday!). I DO need to impose some kind of discipline on the ever-encroaching chaos of things (just look at my kitchen--time to clean up!). If I had a discipled structure to my life, I wouldn't have as much encroaching choas, right? That's what I'm thinking.

I decided to try to establish discipline around playing slots. In the boredom of my summer,I've been doing that more than usual. I said to myself: "Self, what if you held to a structure of going out one night a week to play slots?" That seems reasonable. Dateless, I like to go out on Friday or Saturday nights--have a glass of wine, eat dinner, and play slots for a few hours. What a good idea, right?

Well, as I pulled up to the casino a few hours later, I decided to start that plan once I'm back in the academic groove a few weeks from now (LOL). Oddly, the universe gave me several gifts that night at the casino. I walked in and went to my favorite game and there was a guy sitting there who looked familiar. I played for awhile and then gingerly I said, "Chris?" He looked at me and said, "Yeah. Are you . . .?"

"I'm Anne," I said back. We both started laughing. We had met at this same machine a couple of months ago and, although he's half my age, we hit it off and had such a good time that we exchanged names and work addresses. I felt really blessed to see Chris again as something about him touches my heart. We played and talked at a deeper level this time and when he left, he hugged me and said, "Same time next week?" Yes, hell yes!

I don't know but I'm thinking God or the universe or the Big Dude works in REALLY mysterious ways, defying the intellectual categories that Spiritual Longing and other books have tried to impose. Despite that, I'm grateful for the reflection this book annoyed me into!!! So, "Yes, and no, hell no!" Roxie