Sometimes I can't stand people. I don't mind being around them but I don't want anything to do with them, if you catch my drift. Today's one of those days. I've been foraging on, doing the next right thing and the next right thing only to find myself slamming the grocery cart into its stall, jumping into the car and slamming the door. I realized I was angry, furious, in a rage. I coud be the author of that Puritan tome: "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." Only I don't know how I'd cast myself--as the sinner or the angry god.
It built slowly, this anger. It started with me growling at other drivers and even at the Liberty Tax woman in her Statue of Liberty costume by the side of the road. Pretty soon, I was screaming as I drove. I could see my poor dog cocking her head at me curiously out of the corner of my eye. Another scream from me.
That's when I started to wonder about the insomnia I've been experiencing lately. Could it be that all this spirituality, this turning things over to a divine force, this effort I've been exerting to be a better person, is just another sign that I don't love my self? or God? or you? or my poor dog? or anyone at all for that matter?
I don't know. What I do know is that it's time to kick rocks, to metaphorically slash and burn. It would be the day to go to the firing range if there were any way to do that in New York State. Ka-boom!
It's probably no coincidence that I've been engaging with life more in recent times, making new friends, visiting old ones, joining family events. It's too much. It's so much EFFORT to be growing spiritually or whatever you want to call it. I don't want to do it today. Not with people. I want to roll in the grass, sink into deep water, light a fire against the night and sit by it. Alone. By myself.
I DON'T want to go to meetings, teach my classes, dine with friends, answer the phone, or pass the time of day. I don't want to pray. I'm sure this too will pass but, please God, not just yet. I'm sick of folks and I'm ok with that. Roxie
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Surviving Not Thriving?
Do you sometimes think you're trapped in a kind of "rat race" just trying to meet the bills, stay reasonably healthy, and keep your family out of trouble? If so, like me, you're so busy surviving that you don't really consider the possibility of thriving in this life. When you think about it, would we have been placed in existence just to make it through to death? Like lemmings, are we just to scurry along until we hit the cliff and fall over? Doesn't it make more sense that we were placed here for a larger purpose?
There are so many excuses that keep us believing that we must survive, aren't there? The economy tops the list. We've lost our job or may lose our job. Our health and the specter of decline and death plays a big role as well. Do we have health insurance? Finally, the needs and problems of our children and families slide into third. Aging parents, pregnant teens, learning disabled children! No wonder we don't sleep well or drink too much! Guess what? We don't control any of these things. We may lose our job despite our best efforts. Our health will decline and we WILL die. No point worrying about that one. Our families, as good as they may be, WILL let us down. We can't control or even protect them very much. Why waste our time worrying and working, surviving, when ultimately it's not our destiny to control our own life or the lives of those around us, whether we like it or not?
Consider the possibility that all these things, important as they may seem, are not the real work of this life, that they are distractions, red herrings, excuses. Consider the possibility that we are here to thrive, to shine, to live out an inner essence that trumps all the hardships of the everyday. What if it's true that we are spiritual beings on a mission in this physical world?
That changes everything. In that spirit, we know that the job issued us within the economy is not essential. In that spirit, we know that the state of our health is irrelevant. In that spirit, we love our families and let them go, not compelled to protect them from their own particular journies. In that spirit, our purpose is to be aware, enlightened, in love with who we are and what we have. The possibility that we are spiritual beings encased in a physical frame and a seemingly physical universe means that we need to stop and notice the "road less travelled," the spiritual journey home.
What does that mean in real terms? I'm clear about what it's NOT, but less clear about what it is. Here's some thoughts though. Be in this moment. Breathe. Slow everything down. Use the senses given to smell, taste, hear, and feel the details of this physical experience. Use the mind for awareness more than judgment. Accept. Change only what we can change for the greater good. Do no harm. Take daily doses of nature. As the song says, "Stand in the place where you live." Finally, forgive. Roxie
There are so many excuses that keep us believing that we must survive, aren't there? The economy tops the list. We've lost our job or may lose our job. Our health and the specter of decline and death plays a big role as well. Do we have health insurance? Finally, the needs and problems of our children and families slide into third. Aging parents, pregnant teens, learning disabled children! No wonder we don't sleep well or drink too much! Guess what? We don't control any of these things. We may lose our job despite our best efforts. Our health will decline and we WILL die. No point worrying about that one. Our families, as good as they may be, WILL let us down. We can't control or even protect them very much. Why waste our time worrying and working, surviving, when ultimately it's not our destiny to control our own life or the lives of those around us, whether we like it or not?
Consider the possibility that all these things, important as they may seem, are not the real work of this life, that they are distractions, red herrings, excuses. Consider the possibility that we are here to thrive, to shine, to live out an inner essence that trumps all the hardships of the everyday. What if it's true that we are spiritual beings on a mission in this physical world?
That changes everything. In that spirit, we know that the job issued us within the economy is not essential. In that spirit, we know that the state of our health is irrelevant. In that spirit, we love our families and let them go, not compelled to protect them from their own particular journies. In that spirit, our purpose is to be aware, enlightened, in love with who we are and what we have. The possibility that we are spiritual beings encased in a physical frame and a seemingly physical universe means that we need to stop and notice the "road less travelled," the spiritual journey home.
What does that mean in real terms? I'm clear about what it's NOT, but less clear about what it is. Here's some thoughts though. Be in this moment. Breathe. Slow everything down. Use the senses given to smell, taste, hear, and feel the details of this physical experience. Use the mind for awareness more than judgment. Accept. Change only what we can change for the greater good. Do no harm. Take daily doses of nature. As the song says, "Stand in the place where you live." Finally, forgive. Roxie
Friday, March 2, 2012
Do No Harm, Baby
Driving down a busy highway, the SUV in front of me stopped suddenly. I skidded to a halt behind it barely registering the near-accident experience, for I was far away contemplating possible FUTURE catastrophes. The sudden braking slide brought me back to the moment. Inexplicably, the words "do no harm" floated through my mind.
Many of us try to live out the Dali Lama's tenet in our dealings with others. We mean them well. I don't know about you, but I find it easy to practice "no harm" to others and virtually impossible to practice that same tenet for myself. I began to imagine what it would be like to "do no harm" to myself.
It was like my brain locked up. I had nothing. Loving myself being out of reach, it seemed like I SHOULD be able to at least not foist dark thoughts or unheathy actions upon myself. I found myself, alas, immediately criticizing myself for not being able to practice the simplest mode of thought--mapping an idea from one situation over into another. I couldn't see how the very same kindness and harm-free zone I generate towards others could be pulled back to surround me.
Man, this spiritual stuff is not easy; it's sometimes impossibly difficult. Still, we have to give it the old college try. So, here goes. Here's Roxie's list of ways to protect yourself from your own harmful thoughts and actions:
1) Notice the dark thoughts and let them go.
2) Notice the dark thoughts and let them go.
3) Ditto.
4) OK, when they've finally subsided, direct your mind towards the good.
5) Good things you've accomplished in life (had that baby and raised it, got an education, rescued a dog, those kinds of things).
6) Good intentions you have (want peace in the world, want hunger and sickness eradicated, want to comfort those in need).
7) Good contributions you make to your community (having a little sister, working the domestic violence hotline, singing in the choir)
8) Good actions you've taken to be a better person (told the truth to your boss, got up everyday and did your work despite lack of sleep).
9) Talk to a friend about the feelings that block you from self-care (I feel so alone at 4 in the morning, I'm so scared that I won't be able to care for myself as I age, I'm so angry that life has dealt me a tough hand).
10) Meditate.
11) Do something physical.
12) Eat a green vegetable (ugh).
13) Tell yourself once every hour that you're doing a good job.
14) Be still and know that you ARE the God, that you don't have to do anything except be.
15) Pray.
15) If none of this works, blog! (So, here I am, blogging away.)
Seriously, girl-friend, why is it that it's so hard to hold ourselves harmless much less wish ourselves well or LOVE ourselves? I can see the Big Dude scratching his head (so to speak) because HE loves us.
If I'm willing to go there, I know that others taught me that I WASN'T good, that I was a bad girl, that I was dumb or lazy, that I was ugly and unwanted. At best, I learned that I wasn't ever good enough. You'd think I'd know better by now, that I'd have dumped those childhood messages Sorry. That's not how it works. We grow up and marry someone who sends those same messages. We get promoted to jobs that leave us scrambling and never quite reaching "good enough." In short, we keep reliving those old messages while the Big Dude sends us brilliant sunsets, starry nights, and good friends in hopes we'll see that HE holds us harmless and, possibly, loved.
I'm learning the only way out of the harmful thoughts and messages that I carry is through them. Am I feeling grim? What's going on inside, what's been triggered? Parts of me are screaming: "I'm not good enough! I'm not good enough!" On a clear day, I can say, "Good enough for what?" Or, WTF does that mean? Or, who says?
Hey! Thanks for listening! Leave a comment with your dilemmas or suggestions regarding self-love. Roxie
Many of us try to live out the Dali Lama's tenet in our dealings with others. We mean them well. I don't know about you, but I find it easy to practice "no harm" to others and virtually impossible to practice that same tenet for myself. I began to imagine what it would be like to "do no harm" to myself.
It was like my brain locked up. I had nothing. Loving myself being out of reach, it seemed like I SHOULD be able to at least not foist dark thoughts or unheathy actions upon myself. I found myself, alas, immediately criticizing myself for not being able to practice the simplest mode of thought--mapping an idea from one situation over into another. I couldn't see how the very same kindness and harm-free zone I generate towards others could be pulled back to surround me.
Man, this spiritual stuff is not easy; it's sometimes impossibly difficult. Still, we have to give it the old college try. So, here goes. Here's Roxie's list of ways to protect yourself from your own harmful thoughts and actions:
1) Notice the dark thoughts and let them go.
2) Notice the dark thoughts and let them go.
3) Ditto.
4) OK, when they've finally subsided, direct your mind towards the good.
5) Good things you've accomplished in life (had that baby and raised it, got an education, rescued a dog, those kinds of things).
6) Good intentions you have (want peace in the world, want hunger and sickness eradicated, want to comfort those in need).
7) Good contributions you make to your community (having a little sister, working the domestic violence hotline, singing in the choir)
8) Good actions you've taken to be a better person (told the truth to your boss, got up everyday and did your work despite lack of sleep).
9) Talk to a friend about the feelings that block you from self-care (I feel so alone at 4 in the morning, I'm so scared that I won't be able to care for myself as I age, I'm so angry that life has dealt me a tough hand).
10) Meditate.
11) Do something physical.
12) Eat a green vegetable (ugh).
13) Tell yourself once every hour that you're doing a good job.
14) Be still and know that you ARE the God, that you don't have to do anything except be.
15) Pray.
15) If none of this works, blog! (So, here I am, blogging away.)
Seriously, girl-friend, why is it that it's so hard to hold ourselves harmless much less wish ourselves well or LOVE ourselves? I can see the Big Dude scratching his head (so to speak) because HE loves us.
If I'm willing to go there, I know that others taught me that I WASN'T good, that I was a bad girl, that I was dumb or lazy, that I was ugly and unwanted. At best, I learned that I wasn't ever good enough. You'd think I'd know better by now, that I'd have dumped those childhood messages Sorry. That's not how it works. We grow up and marry someone who sends those same messages. We get promoted to jobs that leave us scrambling and never quite reaching "good enough." In short, we keep reliving those old messages while the Big Dude sends us brilliant sunsets, starry nights, and good friends in hopes we'll see that HE holds us harmless and, possibly, loved.
I'm learning the only way out of the harmful thoughts and messages that I carry is through them. Am I feeling grim? What's going on inside, what's been triggered? Parts of me are screaming: "I'm not good enough! I'm not good enough!" On a clear day, I can say, "Good enough for what?" Or, WTF does that mean? Or, who says?
Hey! Thanks for listening! Leave a comment with your dilemmas or suggestions regarding self-love. Roxie
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Winter Wondering
In the death throes of a strange winter, it can be hard to find your spiritual center. There is no snow, but no one told the grass or trees. The grass is brown and matted down. The trees are naked of leaves. It's seems strangely ominous to see nature uncovered by snow yet in repose. She seems vulnerable, exposed. No way to hide her bare limbs and dark grasses.
Each day as the temperature rises into the 40s or 50s, buds swell only to shrink back into themselves when night brings frost or at least cold back again. For we, pantheists, it's hard to connect with "the god of our understanding" at times like these. Occasionally, we are wonder struck by a night sky in high definition with stars and planets seeming close enough to touch. More often, we find only crumbs of hope in the activity of birds at the neighbor's feeder.
Mostly, though, northeastern folk deprived of our snow, also lack our winter inspiration. Where is the brightness permeating through bedroom windows when the moon reflects off the snow. The fresh energy within as we shovel our way through new-fallen, clean and lovely snow. The impact of freezing wind on nose and red cheeks. The mad scramble of the body to adjust from the wild elements to the civilized warmth of houses.
In this unnatural winter, body and spirit get bored. There's no good way to contact the god in nature. We are thrown back on our own resources, too much in our houses and cars, starved for beauty and elemental danger. Roxie
Each day as the temperature rises into the 40s or 50s, buds swell only to shrink back into themselves when night brings frost or at least cold back again. For we, pantheists, it's hard to connect with "the god of our understanding" at times like these. Occasionally, we are wonder struck by a night sky in high definition with stars and planets seeming close enough to touch. More often, we find only crumbs of hope in the activity of birds at the neighbor's feeder.
Mostly, though, northeastern folk deprived of our snow, also lack our winter inspiration. Where is the brightness permeating through bedroom windows when the moon reflects off the snow. The fresh energy within as we shovel our way through new-fallen, clean and lovely snow. The impact of freezing wind on nose and red cheeks. The mad scramble of the body to adjust from the wild elements to the civilized warmth of houses.
In this unnatural winter, body and spirit get bored. There's no good way to contact the god in nature. We are thrown back on our own resources, too much in our houses and cars, starved for beauty and elemental danger. Roxie
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Get Off the Couch--For My Brother
I know "getting off the couch" doesn't sound like a spiritual topic. It sounds like weight-watching or health. Well, it can also be a spiritual choice.
We all have a safe harbor where we retreat or relax and try to avoid one thing or another. Our Cheers-type bar, our bathroom tub or throne, our kitchen, office, gymn, or our car. When these things serve as R'n R to get us ready for another foray into life, they can be very helpful. When we get too attached to these safe places, maybe it's time to reflect on what's out there in the rest of life that scares us.
I've been overly attached to my couch in recent times. I didn't think too much about it as I've had a lot of health challenges, plus I work online from home a lot. It's been bothering me lately though. I've been feeling restless and bored with the couch, uneasy about my time on it.
Last Sunday morning, there I was on my couch, checking email, sipping coffee, and asking for some spiritual guidance about the couch situation.
Here's how that went down:
Anne--Sick of this. Sick of being on the couch. What should I do with myself? What? What? I need some help here . . .
Voice--GET OFF THE COUCH!!!
Anne--What? But, what should I do then? What should I . . .
Voice--Just get the hell off the couch.
OooooKaaaaayyyy. I got up and within seconds I knew I wanted to go to the mall and find a pair of curtains for the French doors. So, I got dressed and called a friend to see if she wanted to meet me for lunch. She did.
I got the curtains, rods, some birthday presents, and groceries, arriving at Panera's just in time for lunch. While sitting at Panera's, I told my friend some of the things I had been worrying about--stuff at work, my brother's health, an up-coming meeting with my supervisor. As I spoke, I realized that I was feeling really nervous, anxious, even chaotic. I felt afraid and made an excuse to leave and go back home to my couch.
I didn't let myself escape though. I began to read and journal about what was going on. I remembered painful moments throughout life when a meeting with my dad, a teacher, or a boss had meant devestating feelings of fear and shame. I knew I was on the right track but it still wasn't adding up. I continued to share my ideas and feelings about all this with trusted friends and my trusty journal.
Eureka! This morning, sitting on the couch, I realized that I didn't want to go to work. I totally got it! I didn't want to face the meeting I have to face. Sitting on the couch protects me from the slings and arrows of life. Alas, it also keeps me from the love and warmth as well.
Sometimes, too many slings and arrows can send us into retreat. We go to our safe place. If what we've experienced has been bad enough, we want to stay in that place--in the bar, the car, the gymn. Drinking too much, medicating, eating, gambling, carousing. Anything to keep ourselves safe, safe from our feelings, dude, from our feelings.
The way off the couch, the way to our Higher Self/God/the Big Dude, is through our feelings. Feelings can block our awareness that life is still full of possibilities and grace.
This entry is dedicated to my brother who is facing hard times. Reflecting and praying about his situation is helping me face my own. Blessings. Anne
We all have a safe harbor where we retreat or relax and try to avoid one thing or another. Our Cheers-type bar, our bathroom tub or throne, our kitchen, office, gymn, or our car. When these things serve as R'n R to get us ready for another foray into life, they can be very helpful. When we get too attached to these safe places, maybe it's time to reflect on what's out there in the rest of life that scares us.
I've been overly attached to my couch in recent times. I didn't think too much about it as I've had a lot of health challenges, plus I work online from home a lot. It's been bothering me lately though. I've been feeling restless and bored with the couch, uneasy about my time on it.
Last Sunday morning, there I was on my couch, checking email, sipping coffee, and asking for some spiritual guidance about the couch situation.
Here's how that went down:
Anne--Sick of this. Sick of being on the couch. What should I do with myself? What? What? I need some help here . . .
Voice--GET OFF THE COUCH!!!
Anne--What? But, what should I do then? What should I . . .
Voice--Just get the hell off the couch.
OooooKaaaaayyyy. I got up and within seconds I knew I wanted to go to the mall and find a pair of curtains for the French doors. So, I got dressed and called a friend to see if she wanted to meet me for lunch. She did.
I got the curtains, rods, some birthday presents, and groceries, arriving at Panera's just in time for lunch. While sitting at Panera's, I told my friend some of the things I had been worrying about--stuff at work, my brother's health, an up-coming meeting with my supervisor. As I spoke, I realized that I was feeling really nervous, anxious, even chaotic. I felt afraid and made an excuse to leave and go back home to my couch.
I didn't let myself escape though. I began to read and journal about what was going on. I remembered painful moments throughout life when a meeting with my dad, a teacher, or a boss had meant devestating feelings of fear and shame. I knew I was on the right track but it still wasn't adding up. I continued to share my ideas and feelings about all this with trusted friends and my trusty journal.
Eureka! This morning, sitting on the couch, I realized that I didn't want to go to work. I totally got it! I didn't want to face the meeting I have to face. Sitting on the couch protects me from the slings and arrows of life. Alas, it also keeps me from the love and warmth as well.
Sometimes, too many slings and arrows can send us into retreat. We go to our safe place. If what we've experienced has been bad enough, we want to stay in that place--in the bar, the car, the gymn. Drinking too much, medicating, eating, gambling, carousing. Anything to keep ourselves safe, safe from our feelings, dude, from our feelings.
The way off the couch, the way to our Higher Self/God/the Big Dude, is through our feelings. Feelings can block our awareness that life is still full of possibilities and grace.
This entry is dedicated to my brother who is facing hard times. Reflecting and praying about his situation is helping me face my own. Blessings. Anne
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Gratitude
Gratitude seems like a feeling, right? Our heart swells with joy and we have a sense of a cup so full it spills over. This feeling is just that, a rich, powerful, humbling feeling. It gets our attention and changes our attitudes and, who knows?, maybe our DNA. It's that strong.
Here's the thing. Gratitude as a feeling is like the weather. It sweeps in like a storm and changes everything in its path, causing plants to grow, leaves to fall, leaving both birth and death in its wake.
What do we do when we don't FEEL gratitude? When we think life pretty much sucks and can't think of a single thing that deserves a nod much less a thank you. What then? Maybe we need to think of gratitude as an essential state of mind, something we need, a discipline that has to be practiced. This is not a swelling of the heart situation. It's practicing such deep awareness that we notice on a cellular level the status of our being.
For me, this means sitting quietly until my breathing overshadows my thoughts, until that moment when a truly deep and unplanned breath cleanses my psyche and I'm still. A shift sometimes occurs then. Planted securely in this place, breathing in this breath, I notice tiny things. My hamstrings are relaxed. My heart is beating steadily. My third eye seems to open. On one occasion, I felt the physical sensation of pores and orifices opening as if ocean waves were flowing in an out of me. In this practice, gratitude flows in with that first deep breath. I try to practice this daily so that my awareness of gratitude as an abiding state of mind can be tapped into at will.
This practice of the gratitude discipline sustains us when everything seems to hurt, when fear overwhelms us, during that heart attack, while family members melt down, during rejection, when our job is cut, when we don't want to get out of bed. Get up and do this practice. Sit until the breathing slows and we come into an awareness that flows over, under, and through the day-to-day troubles of life.
Bringing us to the truth about gratitude. Gratitude is part of our essential being. It's a force that births us and sustains us. What makes a seed grow into a tree or a human, for that matter. The force of gratitude. Gratitude channels divine energy into form. It's the spilling over of universal or divine gratitude.
Best of all, it's a renewable energy. It fuels creation, ours and the gods'-- Anne
Here's the thing. Gratitude as a feeling is like the weather. It sweeps in like a storm and changes everything in its path, causing plants to grow, leaves to fall, leaving both birth and death in its wake.
What do we do when we don't FEEL gratitude? When we think life pretty much sucks and can't think of a single thing that deserves a nod much less a thank you. What then? Maybe we need to think of gratitude as an essential state of mind, something we need, a discipline that has to be practiced. This is not a swelling of the heart situation. It's practicing such deep awareness that we notice on a cellular level the status of our being.
For me, this means sitting quietly until my breathing overshadows my thoughts, until that moment when a truly deep and unplanned breath cleanses my psyche and I'm still. A shift sometimes occurs then. Planted securely in this place, breathing in this breath, I notice tiny things. My hamstrings are relaxed. My heart is beating steadily. My third eye seems to open. On one occasion, I felt the physical sensation of pores and orifices opening as if ocean waves were flowing in an out of me. In this practice, gratitude flows in with that first deep breath. I try to practice this daily so that my awareness of gratitude as an abiding state of mind can be tapped into at will.
This practice of the gratitude discipline sustains us when everything seems to hurt, when fear overwhelms us, during that heart attack, while family members melt down, during rejection, when our job is cut, when we don't want to get out of bed. Get up and do this practice. Sit until the breathing slows and we come into an awareness that flows over, under, and through the day-to-day troubles of life.
Bringing us to the truth about gratitude. Gratitude is part of our essential being. It's a force that births us and sustains us. What makes a seed grow into a tree or a human, for that matter. The force of gratitude. Gratitude channels divine energy into form. It's the spilling over of universal or divine gratitude.
Best of all, it's a renewable energy. It fuels creation, ours and the gods'-- Anne
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: Boundaries
Did you ever wonder what it's like to have healthy boundaries? Maybe you're nodding and agreeing that boundaries are a challenge in your life. However, you're probably also saying: How is this a spiritual topic? Boundaries, to my own surprise, are profoundly spiritual. The dilemma of what constitutes good boundaries is bound up more in "love thy neighbor as thyself" than in Robert Frost's "good fences make good neighbors."
Meditating this morning, I asked my higher self to speak to me of boundaries. Breathing somewhat erratically, I confess, I noticed the flurry of birds at the feeder outside my sliders. Amidst the many grey and brown creatures, I was startled to see the flash of a bright yellow bird and then the calm landing of a crimson cardinal in the branches of the maple tree. The cardinal's radiance stood out against the snow and his less brilliant friends.
I realize that I am drawn to brilliance; perhaps we all are. When in the presence of a charasmatic personality, like Icarus to the sun, I draw too near and begin to forget the flash of color that is my own. I lose my sense of self and not in a good way. Hence, my question about boundaries this morning.
A charismatic personality, the king cardinal, is not in itself a threat to boundaries. It is only if this bright light shines itself excessively in our direction, and we find ourselves being drawn inevitably into its thrall, that it becomes dangerous. If we saw this in nature, we would be alarmed. Had all the grey birds and the quivering yellow bird grouped themselves around the cardinal, we would be shocked and consider that a threat to the natural order.
So it is in human order. If we find ourselves irresistably drawn to another, excessively concerned about another, or overwhelmingly wanting the notice and approval of another, we have a boundary problem. When groups of people are drawn to one individual (Jim Jones,say), we can see the danger. Sometimes, however, when it's just our little self being drawn to someone else whom we perceive as better, stronger, or more beautiful in some way, we may not recognize the risk.
This excessive attraction or need for another is also a spiritual dilemma. If my will is being seduced by another human, however wondrous, it is not resting where it belongs, within the higher self, with the God of my understanding.
When I posed the dilemma of boundaries, my higher self responded in simple terms: "Come home to your breath." The Holy Spirit, God, the Big Dude, Cara, the Buddha are manifested uniquely in each human. In the breath, the visible sign of our vitality. It is to inner goodness and grace, symbolized by the breath, that we need to turn when challenged by a person who tests our boundaries.
It's a life-long struggle for me to find the balance between good fences and loving my neighbor. Recently, the universe is sending me situations that rock my world and are hard to see as learning oportunities. One person I love deeply is detaching, not to reject me but to become more healthy. Intellectually, I know this but it feels like a sword to my heart. Another person is coming and going, one moment too close and one moment gone. In each case, I am tearing my hair and rending my clothing (so to speak). Like Charlie Brown, I cry "aaarrrgghhh" to the universe! And, I sit in meditation begging for help with my own boundaries.
When I am thinking of the machinations of another, worrying about losing the love of another, skeptical of the intrusions of another, I am not centered in my own life, in this day, in this moment of my own experience. Maybe I am the cardinal myself, but I wouldn't notice it because I am skirmishing on the ground with my feathered friends to get the best bird seed, never noticing the view from the branches which reveals an abundance sufficient for all. Having boundaries means seeing the vista from my own eyes and knowing it's the right and good for me.
And so it is. Anne
Meditating this morning, I asked my higher self to speak to me of boundaries. Breathing somewhat erratically, I confess, I noticed the flurry of birds at the feeder outside my sliders. Amidst the many grey and brown creatures, I was startled to see the flash of a bright yellow bird and then the calm landing of a crimson cardinal in the branches of the maple tree. The cardinal's radiance stood out against the snow and his less brilliant friends.
I realize that I am drawn to brilliance; perhaps we all are. When in the presence of a charasmatic personality, like Icarus to the sun, I draw too near and begin to forget the flash of color that is my own. I lose my sense of self and not in a good way. Hence, my question about boundaries this morning.
A charismatic personality, the king cardinal, is not in itself a threat to boundaries. It is only if this bright light shines itself excessively in our direction, and we find ourselves being drawn inevitably into its thrall, that it becomes dangerous. If we saw this in nature, we would be alarmed. Had all the grey birds and the quivering yellow bird grouped themselves around the cardinal, we would be shocked and consider that a threat to the natural order.
So it is in human order. If we find ourselves irresistably drawn to another, excessively concerned about another, or overwhelmingly wanting the notice and approval of another, we have a boundary problem. When groups of people are drawn to one individual (Jim Jones,say), we can see the danger. Sometimes, however, when it's just our little self being drawn to someone else whom we perceive as better, stronger, or more beautiful in some way, we may not recognize the risk.
This excessive attraction or need for another is also a spiritual dilemma. If my will is being seduced by another human, however wondrous, it is not resting where it belongs, within the higher self, with the God of my understanding.
When I posed the dilemma of boundaries, my higher self responded in simple terms: "Come home to your breath." The Holy Spirit, God, the Big Dude, Cara, the Buddha are manifested uniquely in each human. In the breath, the visible sign of our vitality. It is to inner goodness and grace, symbolized by the breath, that we need to turn when challenged by a person who tests our boundaries.
It's a life-long struggle for me to find the balance between good fences and loving my neighbor. Recently, the universe is sending me situations that rock my world and are hard to see as learning oportunities. One person I love deeply is detaching, not to reject me but to become more healthy. Intellectually, I know this but it feels like a sword to my heart. Another person is coming and going, one moment too close and one moment gone. In each case, I am tearing my hair and rending my clothing (so to speak). Like Charlie Brown, I cry "aaarrrgghhh" to the universe! And, I sit in meditation begging for help with my own boundaries.
When I am thinking of the machinations of another, worrying about losing the love of another, skeptical of the intrusions of another, I am not centered in my own life, in this day, in this moment of my own experience. Maybe I am the cardinal myself, but I wouldn't notice it because I am skirmishing on the ground with my feathered friends to get the best bird seed, never noticing the view from the branches which reveals an abundance sufficient for all. Having boundaries means seeing the vista from my own eyes and knowing it's the right and good for me.
And so it is. Anne
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