Become a Follower of the Big Dude!

Meet the divine Dude in this blog. This Dude has had and seen his share of sacred shit. He's not afraid of it or of its language. I can't relate to a god that's been crucified, but I can relate to one whom my government has imprisoned and humiliated. I can relate to one who's been raped by his own holy men. I can relate to one who grew up playing baseball or soccer and who dated the Prom Queen. I can relate to the god who knows the working of corporate conglomerates, pimps, and teen-age girls who are pregnant. I can relate to the god who loves alcoholics and drug addicts just a tad more than wall street hotshots. This Dude thinks all of us are mortal particles in an ocean of sacred shit. This Dude recycles.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Where, Oh Where, Is God?

So, it's hard work to be spiritual, alas.  You'd think it would just be a part of our DNA and we would just incorporate it daily like brushing our teeth.  Not so.  If it is part of our DNA, it's often deeply buried by the time we reach adulthood.

No doubt we are born "trailing clouds of glory" as Wordsworth says, but as we develop, too often religion squelches the curious glory and creativity that are the hallmarks of our spiritual nature.  The Unity Church, among others, calls us "spiritual beings in a physical world."  And so it is.  We are perpetually torn by our dual natures.

How do we become one physi-spiritual being?  I don't know but I think that's the challenge.

Recently, I've embarked on a 12-step journey towards spirituality.  Once skeptical and even scornful of this process, I now see it as my best way to enlightenment.  The third step of the journey invites us to turn our will and our lives over to the "god of our understanding."  I'm stuck at this spot.  Every day, I meditate and pray to have the courage to surrender my will to some higher life force.

At the moment when I'm about to turn it over, I get a frisson of fear and I stop.  I've examined this fear and what comes to life for me is a wounded part of myself.  Authority figures in my life used religion and god as the ultimate punishment.  I find that's true for many people who grew up in strict religious families.  In my case, my mother had god in her pocket.  She would pull him out to support any stricture or punishment that she wanted to hand out.

One of her favorite ploys was to invite me to confide in her.  "Tell me about your date," she would say to my teenage self.  In a burst of hope, I would share.  The words would barely be out of my mouth when she would slam the door on my happiness and declare me to be evil and going to hell.  Then, she would tell me I couldn't ever go out with this or that boy again (the worst offense I can remember was holding hands).

So, at the moment when I'm about to surrender to the will of a higher power of my understanding, I freeze.  Will that god also slam me into worse circumstances than those I create for myself?  My history with the god of my mother's understanding is that he will.  He belongs to her.

I am seeking a god of MY understanding and hoping THAT being has my best interests at heart.  Namaste, Roxie